One of my big “experiments” on myself this year was getting a gastric bypass at the beginning of April. I am steadily losing weight and consequently feeling slightly better, mostly in ways I did not expect.
I did not expect to feel this much better about my body. I think I must have been in denial about how much my weight affected my feelings about my physical being because I thought I was more or less at peace with my body. In reality, I was embarrassed. I just didn’t notice until it dissipated. I wouldn’t say I hated my body, but now I see that I was sensitive and protective of myself-as-body.
This really reaffirms for me what I have said all along: your body *is* you. I am secretly religious and believe in a spiritual existence, but on this physical plane, we are our bodies and our bodies are us. They are how we exist and how experience everything in this universe.
I could probably write pages more on the relationships of body, mind, and spirit to one another, but it would all be wild speculation. What I do know for certain is this: when you talk about someone’s body in negative terms, you are talking about them as a person. A body is not like a car. Trading up is not an option. And fixing it is harder than dealing with Chet’s Garage And Elvis Memorabilia Museum to get your car fixed because you have to change things about yourself. Anybody who has tried to gain a good habit or lose a bad one should know how hard it is.
I’m still fat by any standard, but I was so much fatter 60 pounds ago. As the number on the scale goes down, my confidence goes up. That feels great, but also makes me feel a little sad for Fatter Me.
On the other hand, my inner Fatter Me is delighted to have proven the naysayers wrong. I did it! I am doing it!
This certainly wasn’t the easy path, just the effective one. I threw up more in the first 3 months after surgery than I had in the entire decade before. I have had to learn a whole new relationship to food. But it has been worth it. Having my guts rearranged was a hard decision, but for me, ultimately the right one.
The Mia Experiment 